how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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