i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
