Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
