READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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