is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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