first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We need to get me chipped asap
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
