I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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