So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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