im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
