You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
