Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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