Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize