I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
