I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My nipple is on Facebook.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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