also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
