I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
