She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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