dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
