im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
