here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
