he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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