If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
