Im at strip club and am horny
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
