Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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