I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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