I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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