how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
