I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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