i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
