I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
