It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
