If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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