my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am spending my child support on dildos
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
