If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize