Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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