i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
