Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
