We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
