I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
