So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
