how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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