I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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