I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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