i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You smell like stripper and shame
We named our party play list daddy issues
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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