i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
