took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
pray to the hookup gods
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize