Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
