Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
