I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
