It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
They have beer where we have blood.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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