well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
