he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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