My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
