Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
