Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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