he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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