made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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