Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
we're so committed to being not committed
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
