I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
