Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
