I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
