I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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