My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
