Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's shark week go big or go home
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
