We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
