the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
