Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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